Night 19 – Not a Beast
Gang Cheng found it strange that he was so comfortable, even with the light intimate hugs and kisses to Feng Mian’s lips. He’d never felt this way with his ex-wife, nor any other girl he’d dated for any period of time when he was in college. It was like her lips were soft, sweet pillows; irresistibly perfect. He almost couldn’t stop kissing her, needing to keep his naughty, itching hands in check. He was disgusted at his contradictory statement earlier.
What time to adjust? What kind of discomfort had I ever felt around her? How blind was I? Need time? Bullshit! It’s… It’s now or never, right?
Gang Cheng moved Feng Mian to face him, his eyes bright and eager. Just as he was about to open his mouth, the phone to his room rang.
“Son of a bitch!”
Gang Cheng grumbled, snatching the phone into his hand. Just as he was about to try and greet the caller the door jerked open.
“Gang Cheng! Did you already forget I existed? I came to see you!”
Li Shu grumbled, sitting on the cot arrogantly. Paul sat beside Li Shu, appearing rather puzzled.
“What? Paul? What are you thinking about?”
“gǒu zǎizi? Pu… ppy?”
“gǒu zǎizi isn’t just something that sounds like ‘puppy’. It’s slang.”
Feng Mian stood and turned toward the door.
“W-well. I’ll be leaving. I’ll see you later…”
Giving a curt bow, Feng Mian politely left, not wanting to stay much longer. Gang Cheng tried to catch her before she’d closed the door, his hand raised uselessly as her image left his view outside.
“I- Alright, I didn’t forget about you two.”
Gang Cheng lied through his teeth as he stared at the men sitting on the cot.
“You say that but you don’t mean it. Now explain to Paul what gǒu zǎizi means.”
“I don’t know English as well as you do.”
Gang Cheng mocked as Li Shu folded his arms. Paul cleared his throat, coughing into his hand.
“I tend to avoid slang or swears, it evolves too fast for me to pay proper attention to since I don’t visit China enough.”
“He said ‘son of a bitch‘,” Li Shu huffed, moving to the bed from the cot. “move over, Brother Cheng.”
Obediently, despite being a little upset at being disturbed and having Feng Mian leave without him having even attempted to get even closer. He climbed into the cot and pouted, mumbling while facing away from Li Shu and Paul.
“I’m going to bed. You two go to bed as well.”
“Goodnight, Brother Cheng.”
“Goodnight, Gang Cheng.”
“Don’t think we won’t talk about this later when we wake up.”
Li Shu added, comfortably resting in his husband’s arms.
“Mmmn.”
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Feng Mian rubbed her cheeks once she’d exited the courtyard, her heart beating hard in her chest.
“Oh Mian, what have you done?”
She whispered, shyly glancing towards the room Gang Cheng was staying in. She was a little bold when teasing Gang Cheng, but never had she thought she’d suddenly get that shot of chicken blood to confess to him! She covered her face completely with her hands, giggling and twisting her waist. While she was embarrassed, she was even giddier over him replying back in approval.
Feng Mian hadn’t imagined that Gang Cheng would agree to date her, even if she’d have to wait for a deeper relationship. It wasn’t hard for her to notice that sometimes his attitude would fall, or that he’d suddenly grind his teeth. He was bothered by Mo Chou and dearly missed Hui Yin. She hoped that he would get comfortable again, happily smiling while talking.
“He doesn’t look as ruddy as he had in his youth, but his health has improved since he’d come here.”
Once again her cheeks flared, the heat in her face making her stomach flop. Just thinking of how he’d stood soaking wet in rather seethrough sleepwear nearly had her giggling and blushing like a school girl. She wasn’t even guilty that she’d eyed him up and down as nonchalantly as she could. If she were drunk it was likely she would have tried to flirt with him even fiercer than she had already.
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Gang Cheng continued to lie on the bed, staring at the wall blankly. He wasn’t sure what came over him, but he was disappointed in himself. Had it been so long that he would have tried to convince Feng Mian to go further than what their shallow relationship would have allowed? He mentally kicked himself, disappointment shrouding over him like an uncomfortable blanket. There was nothing he wanted to do more than see her happy, but he had almost asked Feng Mian if she’d wanted to share the bed.
She was still very pretty, her laughter tickled his heart. He liked everything about her, blinded by his own childish naivete and fear of refusal. She was a wonderful woman, yet he almost ruined his chance at a new type of happiness because of his own physical need. He’d not even realized that there was such a desire deep inside of him, one of wanting to monopolize her heart and her body. It was as though he’d been possessed after tasting her lips. He wasn’t being rough with her either, trying to keep himself from doing anything other than the soft, slow kisses.
What am I doing with my life right now? Am I going to be some sort of beast? This isn’t like me. I was shocked, even a little worried the other night when she’d brushed her lips against mine. That ‘me‘ turned into this… animal that wanted to move forward. There’s nothing to our relationship as of yet. She’s- no, has she ever known a man?
Gang Cheng pondered over that, his eyes red and irritated from lack of sleep. Drumming his fingers against his folded forearms. He should punish himself a little later, but for now, he should try his best and sleep.
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Li Shu was the first to wake up, stretching his arms broadly while his body let out little popping noises. He was so stiff from the plane ride, but the nice sleep helped him marginally. There was a bad taste in his mouth, not because of sleep, but because of Gang Cheng and Feng Mian. It’s not to say that he was a salty man, jealous of Feng Mian being taken by Gang Cheng, but rather because of Gang Cheng himself.
Li Shu knew Gang Cheng almost as well as Song Men; the three men had been friends for a long time, so it was bound to be that way. The Gang Cheng that Li Shu knew wasn’t someone who was affectionate, he was stern and even a bit anti-social at times. He’d grown into a social drinker though thanks to Song Men, unfortunately, however no matter what the man wasn’t one to be so cuddly with a woman.
Before Li Shu had gone to America, he’d seen how Gang Cheng had interacted with Mo Chou. He certainly smiled and talked with her, acting as though he was interested while keeping her at an arm’s length. Surely their cohabitation had helped their relationship as they’d had a child, but just this morning with Feng Mian Gang Cheng had been far more loving.
Was it that Gang Cheng was lonely? Or had he really realized how he felt? Li Shu didn’t want either of his important friends to rush through a relationship, especially not when he’d previously been in love with Feng Mian. His liking for her might have changed to mere admiration after meeting Paul; he no longer any romantic feelings towards her, but he still wanted to keep her from harm. He will cross-interrogate Gang Cheng upon Gang Cheng waking up, ensuring that he had honest feelings. He was no fool, he won’t let his friends hurt each other.
Li Shu jolted as Paul wrapped an arm around his waist, the rumbly yawn against his ear.
“Paul, shhh.”
Li Shu grunted, rolling away from his husband, setting his feet on the carpeted floor. The larger man sat up, blinking sleepily towards Li Shu.
“What are you worried about?”
“Gang Cheng is sleeping, we can talk outside after we wash up.”
“Alright, alright.”
Paul relented, shuffling towards the bathroom, trailing after Li Shu. The two were quiet as they cleaned their faces and brushed their teeth, running their hands through their cropped hair. They were synchronized in their motions, practiced as if they’d done the same routine a million times together. When they were outside the two leaned against the wall of the building.
“Shu, what are you worried about?”
“I’m not sure what is going on with Gang Cheng. He’s… different.”
“Different? Are you not happy with how he is right now? He didn’t seem too different, though I’d not seen him interact with Mo Chou, surely he liked her, didn’t he?”
“I wonder if he ever did, or if she was just a woman he found easy to tolerate and didn’t feel threatened by.”
“Hm? What do you mean?”
“Haven’t you ever seen a man or woman with a spouse who you didn’t think melded well, that they didn’t really seem to appreciate?”
“Well, that’s rather common, isn’t it?”
“I guess you’d be more used to it, huh? But, that’s how Brother Cheng was with Mo Chou.”
“Which means that he actually didn’t really like her, but just tolerated her because he wasn’t threatened by her presence? But he was threatened by Feng Mian?”
“More or less, Feng Mian is a very good woman. She knows quite a few skills and even owns her own business, on the reverse, there was Mo Chou who quit college and didn’t apply herself.”
“So he chose the easier option because his manhood was intimidated.”
“That’s what I think, but now he sees that he was blinded. Well, either that or he really just wanted to use Feng Mian.”
“For sex?”
“I hope that isn’t the answer, but I won’t deny that’s one of my thoughts.”
“You didn’t seem that upset about it this morning. It’s only been a few hours, so what changed?”
“I’m not really sure, I just know that… I want them to be happy. And I don’t think rushing things would make them happy. Just because they’d liked each other for so long, it doesn’t mean that they can head straight forward into a physical relationship. It doesn’t guarantee success.”
“Sometimes that sort of relationship works, though.”
“Not everyone can rush into a relationship solely built on physical intimacy Feng Mian and Gang Cheng aren’t those types of people.”
“I see. Will things go smoothly? He’s been alone for a year now, some people can stay alone, some people can’t.”
“He can probably handle it, he’ll just have to reign in his excitement. Besides, his dad was a very faithful man, I’m sure he knows how to behave.”
“Oh? His dad was a faithful man? How nice.”
The two spoke in slightly raspy voices as they nudged each other with their arms playfully, still sleepy. They didn’t even think to keep their voices down as they talked, not noticing it was loud enough to be heard inside of the room.
Gang Cheng opened up his eyes, sighing as he heard their discussion. So, Li Shu thought he could be a sex-hungry monster? How unfortunate for him. He promptly decided to change his approach to let Li Shu know he was serious about her as a person, not some depraved bastard. He should get up for the day and start discussing his move back to Beijing.
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Li Shu and Paul finally re-entered the room after loitering outside of the room. The two enjoyed spending time watching the sky, usually close enough to slip back into wherever they stayed just in case the weather turned bad. It wasn’t that they didn’t read the weather, but it wasn’t just once or twice that the weatherman had given them the wrong prediction.
“Brother Cheng?”
Li Shu blinked, noticing the empty bed. It was Paul who pointed to the bathroom and then the clock.
“We’ve been outside for about 20 minutes. It seems like Gang Cheng woke up in the meantime and decided to take a shower.”
“I’ll wait for him here, then. You can go out and visit my home town if you want.”
“There aren’t many people I want to know here, after all, a lot of them don’t really like us.”
“I still like them, even if they don’t like that I’m gay. There are still nice people like Song Men, Feng Mian, and Brother Cheng. Just harder to find.”
“I’ll stay by your side instead. You’re the most important person for me.”
“You’re just a big idiot.”
Li Shu grunted in agitation.
“Báichī?”
“Uh, it means ‘sweetheart‘,” Li Shu lied, he’d used the slang before but Paul hadn’t ever asked what it meant as it usually wasn’t directed at him within hearing distance. “After all, I love you.”
Surprised, but smitten with Li Shu’s answer Paul grinned, a cheeky grin on his face like a cat given fresh cream and fish dinner.
“I love you too. I think I’ll try better to learn some more slang and swear words. I want to visit China more with you.”
“We have been busy, I think we can afford more vacations to come home to here, huh?”
“Mmm, I think so.”
“Ah, but you don’t have to learn swears or slang! It’s not that important. If anyone yells at you I can yell at them back. No point in having you learn any more than necessary. You’re already busy enough with work, if we add on vacations we have less time for you to learn.”
“I can learn during our relaxation time.”
“Not happening.”
“Li Shu-”
“The married couple are bantering in my inn room about learning slang and swears. Aren’t I lucky?”
Gang Cheng grunted, staring at the two as he stood clothed in the room.
“Oh! Brother cheng! You’re out of the shower. I want to talk-”
Li Shu started before he closed his mouth. Gang Cheng lifted up his hand to tell the two to be silent.
“I already heard. I know, I’ve already contemplated my actions from this morning and I’ve decided to adjust my behavior accordingly. I’m not a beast, I’ve already planned on going home to Beijing regardless. I’ve got to finish up things there before I return to staying in Madaoxi.”
“You’re already going back?”
“I can’t leave my job forever, I’ve already taken more than enough time of reflection. If it wasn’t that I was working here and there from this room I would likely not have a job still.”
“Just quit and stay here for good.”
“It’s not that easy. I still have to sell my belongings in Beijing and finish the term I’ve started at work.”
“You’re too stiff. I would have left as soon as that all happened.”
“That is where you and I differ. You always were one to run when things got tough.”
“I didn’t always run when things got tough!”
“You tried to get me to do your English final in high school. Now look at you, you speak English fluently and married an American.”
“It just happened to be like that, it’s fate! Fate I say,” Li Shu stomped up to Gang Cheng’s face and began to point a finger at him. “besides, it’s got nothing to do with today, so don’t pull that on me.”
“Alright, you’re fine, you don’t run away from difficult things.”
“Good. Of course, I don’t.”
The three men stood in the room, Paul awkwardly looking between Gang Cheng and Li Shu, not sure what to do. While Paul wanted to separate them, he knew that Li Shu was only playing around. He didn’t want to ruin the impression Gang Cheng had with him. Plus, Li Shu was having more fun than he’d had in a while, so it made him happy. Why were his feelings so conflicted.
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Just a heads up, but I will have a 1-2 week hiatus coming up within the end of June or sometime in July. I also fell asleep while writing this chapter last night, lol. WHOOPS
For now, I’ve put English text underlined, just to specify which language is being used. Since the two primarily live in America the two are fluent (naturally as Paul is a native of America, and because I’m lazy he won’t have a last name for now)
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