I. Cannot. Believe. It!!!! >_<
Cheng Jia Yang
I called Qiao Fei’s phone, time after time but no one answered.
What had happened?
But she had promised that she would come and find me.
I didn’t know what my face was like at this time. Wen Xiao Hua sat across from me, watching me smoke like a lunatic, calling on my phone.
I didn’t know how long it passed like this. I stood up, went to the window. The faraway Union square and Tuileries Garden was actually at dusk. Pedestrians came and went in the twilight.
In my heart, my initial suspicion and disappointment, became worried. No matter if Qiao Fei came to find me or not, she should have called me. She was a woman, all alone. I was worried that she would have had an accident.
I said the truth to Xiao Hua. After she came in, I said: “Xiao Hua, I am indeed waiting for another friend.”
She said: “All right, let’s wait together.” Then she asked me again: “Then seeing me, it was still a surprise, right?”
I nodded, and continued calling. I didn’t have time anymore to talk to her.
Someone came to knock at my door. I ran to open it. It turned out to be a Secretary of the regiment who told me that the leadership had changed temporarily, and we had to leave Paris tonight, taking the high speed train to Brussels.
I said: “All right.”
I warmly sat down myself, feeling my head hurt.
Xiao Hua said: “How is it? Have you contacted her?”
“No.” I shook my head.
“Then quickly continue to call her. If you guys leave, then what if she comes to empty air?”
I looked at Xiao Hua, and put my hands on her back. I was so blatant, but she helped me think. I said: “You’re right, Xiao Hua, thank you. I must tell her that she shouldn’t come. I better go.”
“Quickly call. Find her.” She gave me the phone.
But at this time, my phone rang. I looked at the phone number, it was Qiao Fei. In that moment, I thought, what method I should use to get rid of the delegation. I must stay here and wait for her.
I picked up the phone: “Hello?”
“Where are you?”
I stood up.
“I am at Montpellier. Listen to me, I am really sorry, but I have an important test. I just finished testing. I forgot to tell you.”
It’s okay, my heart said, As long as nothing has happened to her, it’s okay.
“Then when can you come over? No, or I go to find you.”
“No, no, I cannot go over. You shouldn’t come either. I am rather busy lately. I may have to go abroad with my teacher to intern. I……”
I didn’t know what she was saying. Was she saying, that this time, we could not meet? I felt my nose get tart. After a long time I said: “Fei, why did you only call me now? I was afraid something happened to you.”
“What would happen? Jia Yang, I can’t talk anymore. Let’s contact each other again, okay?”
She quickly hung up.
I looked at my phone screen: 36 seconds.
After a long time, I didn’t move.
Xiao Hua asked: “Was that your friend? Did she call you?”
I nodded, I turned to look at her.
“How is it?”
“Nothing.” I arranged her hair, touching this woman, beautiful and cute, “She isn’t coming.”
“We still have a little time. Can I go to the restaurant to eat with you?”
“Okay.” She hugged me.
“Even though we probably cannot go around Paris, but, maybe we have time in Brussels. What do you say?”
“With you, anywhere is good.”
She kissed me.
Downstairs in the hotel lobby, the manager saw us and came up to us to say hi.
I said, I’m bringing my girlfriend to go eat dinner.
The manager said: “There’s a restaurant, Red Crane, nearby in the street corner. Their steak is awesome, you guys should go try it.
I said, Thank you, thank you, do you guys have an evening newpaper?
He immediately gave me one.
When I went outside with Xiao Hua, I casually opened it. The striking headlines said: Recent Disturbances in the Urban Area of Paris, The Government has Increased Police to Ensure Civilian Safety.
Xiao Hua put the newspaper down: “You’re going out to eat with me and you’re still reading the newspaper. Do you even have me in your eyes?”
I laughed, and let her throw the newspaper away in the waste basket in the veranda: “Ok, we will concentrate on eating.”
I returned Jia Yang’s call, sitting in front of the Lyon Train Station, waiting for the train that would return south that night.
That old granny was really right. I really should have returned as soon as I got off the train. If I had, I wouldn’t have seen what I didn’t want to see. To now, my heart wouldn’t have been full of such depressed pain.
Jia Wang wasn’t wrong. Of course I knew he was waiting for me. But he had his new life, he had a girl who was well matched with him. My own heart was clear, I also didn’t have any wrongs. I couldn’t give him any more troubles. I had never wanted to give him troubles.
My head hurt as I thought of it. When I returned I still had to find a new internship location, and I had to finish my papers. July, maybe I had to return them. When I returned, I still had to find a job. All of these matters were a tedious reality, but thinking of these, also had another purpose. I felt there were still a lot more things to busy myself over, and felt that my emotional troubles were really extravagant. I could not afford it.
I sat in a daze when someone asked me: “Miss, who let you come to Paris alone without permission from the gendarmerie?”
I looked back. It turned out to be Zu Zu, wearing a uniform, holding a dog. He was patrolling. Right, the train station was his territory.
My nose was jammed, I looked at him, and slowly said: “Zu Zu.”
He looked at me: “I’m asking you. Do you not understand French? Why didn’t you call the gendarmerie before? I was so ready to pick up the phone at any moment.”
I laughed again.
He gave his dog to his colleagues, and told them a few sentences. Then he sat down next to me.
“Are you not on duty?”
“Rest for a while, there is no harm.” He said, “I have some good news.”
“I have been approved for peacekeeping in Africa.”
I knew this was his dream, but I couldn’t be happy. That was Africa, war, a black Africa full of rampant plague, “How long are you going for? Which country?”
“Côte d’Ivoire. One year.”
“ Zu Zu, you must be careful.”
“Of course.” He said, “Fei, what happened to you?”
“I’ve seen you for a long time now. Your face now is full of stormy clouds, your eyes blinking. You seem like you want to commit suicide.”
“Oh, I haven’t asked you yet, why did you come to Paris yourself? Why didn’t you call me? What did you come to Paris for? It seems it wasn’t because of me right?”
At this time, I thought of Aulde’s words. Zu Zu’s face was in front of me, a young, heroic face, no trace of wind or frost, purer than the other boys.
“Zu Zu, this is a long story.”
“Are you willing to say it?”
“I’m willing to tell you.”
“I came to see a friend. When I was in China, I lived with him before. But, jus tnow, I couldn’t see him so I was a little sad.”
Because we had too many differences, we couldn’t be together.
But I loved him, even now, it was like this.
He took away some things, and left some things in my life.”
Zu Zu’s face stopped smiling and now it was very serious.
I was telling him such old fashioned words, things that I had never told anyone else, but when I opened my mouth, I suddenly felt a strong desire to talk. Some secrets were buried in my heart, buried too bitterly, I felt overwhelmed.
“We, me and him, used to have an unformed child. I didn’t have the strength to support him, so I could only, remove him.”
He watched me.
“So, Zu Zu, I am different from the me in your imagination.
And I was not a healthy person. When I aborted that child, something happened, and I am afraid I cannot have little children again.
I just feel, I will live by myself for my whole life.”
I slowly said these things, and felt my heart grow lighter. All this time, being a person full of secrets and yet pretending to be strong, I was very tired.
But I had no tears.
Zu Zu didn’t speak for a long time, and took a deep breath. He rubbed his eyes and looked at me again: “Fei, do you want to hug?”
Many years later, I would never forget this French boy’s hug. In my heart’s weakest moment, I was in his gentle arms, like a burst of a light and warm small southern wind, slowly tying together my hideous wounds.
4/17, Paris, Lyon Train Station, this was an ordinary evening.
I only felt Zu Zu suddenly stiffen up his arms. He stood up in an instant, fiercely blocked me behind him, a bright light, a loud noise, I used my hands to cover up my eyes, and lost consciousness.